I always do better without labeling the post until after I write it. Just a little info.
As I was driving home this morning from work, there was a terrific lightning storm going on. I was thinking how cool it would be if I saw something get struck, just so I could see the lightning up close. But then as my thoughts wandered I wondered what it would be like if lightning struck my car, or me.
What a boring story.
The trouble with God is that you can't tell him anything. You have to ask him for everything. If you say to him "God. Don't strike me with lightning." he might just do it. Then again he might not do it just to keep you guessing. You have to say "God please don't hit me with lightning." . I suppose maybe the intent of command over request might mean something to him, but then again how can you command him to do anything? Must we all kneel in servility and fearful obedience? I suppose my own split from church and organized religion came during the trying years of my own rebellion against authority. It was a very painful process for me, certain authority figures abused my trust in their care over me. Perhaps that builds character, right along with rage and frustration. I gave up going to church about the same time I split from the authority of my father. I would never take an order from him again, and I suppose that still holds true today. God (in church) is presented as too much the same parental figure my father was. Stern, unyielding, great and terrible in his wrath, yet we must strive and yearn and jockey for those few precious moments of compassion, or acceptance, or acknowledgement. Even if they never come, even if we never have proof that such moments exist. We've heard a lot of stories of people who have had such moments, so we hope they exist and hope that we will someday have such a moment ourselves. I guess my little torrent proves that even the staunchest of deniers (a word?) still keep some flame of hope in their deep dark. That only makes the lack hurt more. Sometimes it would be better for hope to die, so acceptance could come, but I suppose too many suicides would result.
The problem with the father comparison, is that as an adult I have made peace and acceptance with this new milder man called Dad instead of sir. So now naturally I wonder if others "spiritual father","Divine father" might not also have this other side. It brings some pain to think that there's a benevolent God out there shining his face down on some worthy few, oblivious of me. At least not willing to show himself to me. The desire I have to be the good son, is o'erwhelmed by my determination to remain standing, stalwart, maybe challenging. Perhaps too demanding, but I had to find strength somewhere. Stubborn refusal to capitulate has saved me a few beatings that force might have earned me. I
We bring all the universe to ourselves becoming the center. Anyone who grasps that they are a part of the larger whole, thinking that everything is not revolving around them is evolving into an ant. Self concern is paramount towards happiness. Regardless of action intent is everything. I'm rambling now. Maybe I'll stop and get some more coffee.
As I was driving home this morning from work, there was a terrific lightning storm going on. I was thinking how cool it would be if I saw something get struck, just so I could see the lightning up close. But then as my thoughts wandered I wondered what it would be like if lightning struck my car, or me.
What a boring story.
The trouble with God is that you can't tell him anything. You have to ask him for everything. If you say to him "God. Don't strike me with lightning." he might just do it. Then again he might not do it just to keep you guessing. You have to say "God please don't hit me with lightning." . I suppose maybe the intent of command over request might mean something to him, but then again how can you command him to do anything? Must we all kneel in servility and fearful obedience? I suppose my own split from church and organized religion came during the trying years of my own rebellion against authority. It was a very painful process for me, certain authority figures abused my trust in their care over me. Perhaps that builds character, right along with rage and frustration. I gave up going to church about the same time I split from the authority of my father. I would never take an order from him again, and I suppose that still holds true today. God (in church) is presented as too much the same parental figure my father was. Stern, unyielding, great and terrible in his wrath, yet we must strive and yearn and jockey for those few precious moments of compassion, or acceptance, or acknowledgement. Even if they never come, even if we never have proof that such moments exist. We've heard a lot of stories of people who have had such moments, so we hope they exist and hope that we will someday have such a moment ourselves. I guess my little torrent proves that even the staunchest of deniers (a word?) still keep some flame of hope in their deep dark. That only makes the lack hurt more. Sometimes it would be better for hope to die, so acceptance could come, but I suppose too many suicides would result.
The problem with the father comparison, is that as an adult I have made peace and acceptance with this new milder man called Dad instead of sir. So now naturally I wonder if others "spiritual father","Divine father" might not also have this other side. It brings some pain to think that there's a benevolent God out there shining his face down on some worthy few, oblivious of me. At least not willing to show himself to me. The desire I have to be the good son, is o'erwhelmed by my determination to remain standing, stalwart, maybe challenging. Perhaps too demanding, but I had to find strength somewhere. Stubborn refusal to capitulate has saved me a few beatings that force might have earned me. I
We bring all the universe to ourselves becoming the center. Anyone who grasps that they are a part of the larger whole, thinking that everything is not revolving around them is evolving into an ant. Self concern is paramount towards happiness. Regardless of action intent is everything. I'm rambling now. Maybe I'll stop and get some more coffee.
posted by Goodkingalan at 4:41 PM
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